Giftedness: The Struggles & Successes

My experiences on this circuitous voyage, discovering puzzle pieces as I go.

Photo by Amanda Bartel on Unsplash

This is the third chapter of my gifted life.

Here’s a summary of how I came to be here.

Perhaps you’ll identify with some of the story. Thank you, dear Substack friends, for reading, commenting and liking.

Chapter One: Surviving the Storm

My childhood was confusing, hazy, boring, misunderstood and under-resourced. It was a battle to survive chronic allergies and illnesses - asthma, eczema, bronchitis, hay fever. In the mix was a crippling perfectionism, self-doubt, high sensitivity, shyness, and the pressure to perform.

I believed something was deeply wrong with me. I was called ‘too sensitive’, ‘too selfish’, and ‘too introverted’. I had to change if I was ‘to get on in the world’.

My greatest fear was failure.

I loved my menagerie of pets - rescued cats, dogs, rabbits, Guinea Pigs, birds, turtles - far more than anything or anyone in the entire universe.

I accessed flow states by writing stories and making art. My imagination was cinematic.

School was a lonely place. I sat in the back row of classrooms and practised disappearing into the walls. For years I was bullied by Naomi who was the ringleader of a large cohort of school girls.

I was an avid learner - my nose was usually planted between the pages of a book.

I played the piano, clarinet, flute, guitar (electric and acoustic), and sang in school choirs and musicals.

Although I loved to dance and play tennis, netball, and table tennis, illnesses interrupted progress. To add to the physical struggles, I repeatedly sprained my ankles and thumbs, and displaced the cartilage in my knees. I endured the indignities of blood blisters on my toes, heels and soles of my feet. My skin was too soft for the cheap, canvas sport shoes I wore and the rough, hard surfaces I played on.

I managed to win an under thirteen table tennis championship and earned the highest swimming award for life saving, Bronze Medallion. Submerged in water I was in my element.

I dreamed of being Marine Boy who could breathe underwater. I dreamed of flying, falling, and fleeing. I dreamed of monsters who discovered my hiding spots. I dreamed of finding myself naked in public places.

In my late teens, I surprised everyone by rocketing to fame, travelling the world, doing hundreds of media interviews and thousands of public appearances to meet people from all walks of life and raise money for charity. When it ended, I returned to earth with a thud. It took many years to process that experience and recover from burn out.

I married at the age of twenty-four to the love of my life.

I struggled with feeling like a fraud and hollowed myself out so that I could be whatever anyone wanted me to be. I was a chameleon.

By my late twenties I created a popular business that was causing me burnout and bore-out. I didn’t know what to do about that and had no-one to turn to for advice. The solution came in the form of agonisingly dismantling the business and moving interstate.

Chapter Two: Learning the Ropes

Chapter Two was tumultuous, internally and externally, as I drifted on rough seas, learning ‘the ropes’ of life.

I threw myself into self-development and read every book (pre-internet) I could get my hands on about psychology, philosophy, leadership, spirituality, herbal medicine, Feng Shui, astrology, numerology… exploring an endless list of interests, desperate to work life out, and find answers to why, why, why?

I restlessly moved furniture around the house.

I tried very hard to improve myself with New Age psychobabble.

I struggled with chronic fatigue. My thyroid function deteriorated. I sought alternative pathways to healing, having little faith in conventional medicine.

I was a seeker of truth, driven to regain wholeness. I went down many dead ends and dug holes in damp places. Truth was a slippery eel.

For nearly a decade I lived somewhat obscurely, tending a large garden.

I continued to be riddled with anxiety, self-doubt, and lacked self-worth. I was disconnected from my needs and struggled with my emotional life. Dissociation was my ‘modus operandi’ and I rarely listened to my intuition. For an INFJ (Myers-Briggs), this was a major handicap.

Somehow I stayed married, succeeded in business both online and off-line, become an entrepreneur alongside a pioneering partner, extensively travelled nationally and internationally – moving house and home regularly – and completed six university degrees in music, visual art and creative writing.

In my fifties, rough seas miraculously smoothed out. I found my druthers amid creatives who were talented and inspiring. I knew who I was. A creator and a dreamer.

Chapter Three: Coming Home to Myself

Chapter Three was quietly heralded by discovering I was gifted, a multipotentialite, and not broken.

Having never thought of myself as particularly bright, this was a lot to process and integrate. I’d flown under the radar for most of my life, so for a while I felt exposed and vulnerable.

I found safe ways to remove the masks that had protected me for decades.

I explored gifted trauma (CPTSD), emotional, intellectual and spiritual neglect, and cultivated self-compassion and intuition. I discovered Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration which made sense of my anxieties, intensities, and overexcitabilities.

I joined gifted communities, and signed up for online workshops and courses. The best part has been making wonderful friendships around the world.

I live by the sea now, after decades of inner-city living. My husband and I love going to the beach most days. It’s different every time: the clear, salty air, the breeze, the waves, the diverse colours of the ocean. We often see dolphins, birdlife and the occasional shark. The seaside experience is enlivening, regulating, beautiful.

Looking back, what strikes me the most about those earlier chapters of my life is how fast I had run to catch up to myself. As if the person I’d ought to become was close but always beyond reach. I could vaguely see her, feel her, and yet my fingertips couldn’t quite grab hold of her.

Anyway, I’ve stopped running now.

Further Reflections

I wish I’d done everything much sooner. Been much braver. Trusted myself more.

Living near the beach, for example. We could have made the move five years ago.

I’d also have started a Ph.D. earlier in my life, instead of waiting until I was in my late thirties. I’d have thrown myself into a second doctorate when it was offered instead of declining.

I could have done much more and jumped on the opportunities that brought me to life. Followed my intuition. Seen my restlessness as a signal to challenge my capacity, stretch my potential, extend my capabilities, and fully resource my heart, mind, and spirit.

The university degree that I started at the age of thirty and didn’t finish was in psychology. I regret that. Of course, regrets are common and not necessarily wasteful.

Career guidance would have benefitted me. Good guidance or mentorship would have served me throughout my life. Good therapy, too. Finding good people who were genuinely interested in me and my development would have made a huge difference.

A strong drive for autonomy (PDA) may have worked against me at times.

As a parentified child, I thought I was on this planet to serve everyone else, to feel love and belonging because I was benefitting others. It felt unsafe when the focus turned onto me. I was allergic to pressure and still am. I preferred to work behind the scenes but I’d chafe when I felt a lack of recognition or taken for granted.

I see a pattern of ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ underpinning my life experiences. Too stimulated, too bored. Too exposed, too hidden. Too pressured, too laze-fair. Too complex, too simple. Too risky, too safe. Too beautiful, too ugly. Too taxing, too easy. And so on.

The key to stopping this constant seesaw?

Developing a rich, creative, interior life. Feeling anchored in my values and what gives me purpose and meaning. Continuing to learn, grow, connect, create and contribute. To appreciate how short life is and being grateful for what is, here and now.

Laughing (kindly) at myself and the absurdity of life has kept me sane. Life is serious but it doesn’t have to always be taken seriously.

As for love, it’s a necessity. To love and be loved. No life can thrive without love.

For the first two chapters of my life I was mostly invisible to myself and others, but that changed in the third chapter.

These days I love collaboration, relationship building, deliberateness, calculated risk-taking, work and play, expressivity and shirking obligation. I’m engaged with authenticity, sharing gifts and talents, encouraging others to fully live the life that calls to them.

Don’t wait. If it calls to you, do it now. Seize the day!

Ellen D. Fiedler writes, ‘Our calling is something you sense you are really meant to do rather than what others think you should do.’

This is the crux of the matter.

Discerning what it is you’re really meant to do. Cutting through the external ‘noise’ to listen to the internal thrum.

Shedding the skins others have made you wear, even with the best of intentions.

Shedding the skins you’ve used to protect yourself.

Shedding the skins you’ve needed to navigate a world not designed for you.

I’m packing these into what Mary-Elaine Jacobsen refers to as the ‘seabag’ for this third chapter of the voyage…

Essence & Intentions: What Goes into the Seabag

• I’m a work in progress with no finish line.

• Trust the process.

• Trust my intuition.

• Being human is sacred and I respect this in myself and in others while honouring diversity. Difference is not a disease, it’s a cure.

• No longer making problems out of thin air: focussing my adept problem-solving skills on my art. My art is everything I do.

• If it doesn’t ‘turn on my lights’ then it’s not for me.

• Aiming for authenticity across all spheres of my life.

• Being present with what is and freeing myself from the need to change it.

• Leaning into curiosity when fear tries to get into the driver’s seat of my life.

• Moving more gently forward, treating myself and others with care.

• Creating a beautiful work of art out of my life, my self, my home, my surroundings – a sanctuary.

• Appreciating all the enriching experiences, people, and lessons learned that have alchemised who I am today and continue to shape who I am becoming.

• I am that and that and that, too. Multitudinous. Temporal. My breath is mine and yours. Infinite.

• To hold space as a field for presence not performance.

• To gather, constellate, and deepen connections.

• To hold contradiction without collapse, paradox without panic, and complexity without fragmentation.

• To embody the past, present and future.

• To cultivate both inscendence and transcendence as a continuum.

• To deepen my connection to interiority, gestation, slowness, gravitation, and unseen coherence.

• To listen ever more closely to self, to the earth, to others, to the whisper-soft music of the stars, and to the mystery I inhabit.

With the wind in my sails, I’ll continue to travel far and wide, even if it means being an armchair sailor.

Final Notes: Your Journey, Too

Whatever chapter of life you’re in, I encourage you to make your own list of treasures – insights, intentions, inspirations – that you’ll keep in your seabag.

May your voyage be exciting and courageous.

Remember that life isn't linear. The earlier chapters don't define the later ones. It’s never too late to leap into new possibilities.

None of the tools listed below hold the full truth of who you are—but when used with discernment and curiosity, they can offer profound clarity and affirmation.

Choose what brings you closer to your essence, what helps you come home to yourself.

You are multifaceted. You are not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived.

Bon Voyage, dear traveller. 🌊✨

Resources for your voyage:

If you’re curious about uncovering more of who you are, these tools and frameworks can serve as companions.

Think of them not as definitions, but as puzzle pieces—each offering a glimpse into your inner landscape.

Use what resonates, discard what doesn’t. The point is not to box yourself in, but to unfold more freely.

🧩 Personality & Temperament

• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
  Offers insight into your cognitive preferences, energy orientation, and how you relate to the world. Especially useful for introverts, intuitives, and those who’ve felt “different.”
  Try: 16personalities.com

• Enneagram
  A powerful tool for understanding your core fears, motivations, and the shape of your ego. Emphasizes the path of growth and integration.
  Look into: The Wisdom of the Enneagram (book), Truity.com, or The Enneagram Institute.

• Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Scale – Dr. Elaine Aron
  If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” this may be a revelation rather than a diagnosis.
  Explore: hsperson.com

🧭 Neurodivergent Lenses

• Giftedness Profiles (G/T & Beyond)
  Giftedness is not only about IQ—it often includes intensities, sensitivities, and asynchronous development. Look into:
  

  • Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration: The Dabrowski Centre

    https://dabrowskicenter.org/

  • The Columbus Group’s definition of giftedness

  • SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted)

• Multipotentiality
  For those with many passions, interests, and projects: you’re not flaky or lost—this is a valid way of being.
  Explore: Emilie Wapnick’s “Puttylike” or her TED Talk, Why Some of Us Don’t Have One True Calling.

• Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
  Particularly relevant if you bristle against expectations or demands—even your own. PDA reframes resistance as a need for autonomy and safety.
  Start with: The PDA Society or neurodivergent advocates on Substack.

• Parentification: https://www.charliehealth.com/post/parentification-trauma-what-it-is-and-how-to-heal

• Disassociation: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/about-dissociation/

🔮 Soulful Self-Inquiry & Creative Tools

• Astrology & Human Design
  Not to predict the future, but to reflect on patterns, energies, and archetypes you might embody. Take what speaks to your intuition.
  Tip: Use as a mirror, not a map.

• Values Clarification Tools
  Understanding your core values can help anchor your decisions and create coherence in life.
  Try: Dr. Brene Brown’s list of core values, ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) values cards, or the VIA survey.

• Journal Prompts & Creative Reflection
  Your inner compass speaks through language, image, and symbol. Use:
  

  • Oracle cards or collage

  • Morning Pages (from The Artist’s Way)

  • Your own “Seabag” list (see above)

    🌿 Holistic Healing & Integration

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)
  A transformative therapeutic model that helps you connect with the different “parts” of your psyche—especially useful for those with complex trauma or deep inner conflict.

• Polyvagal Theory – Dr. Stephen Porges
  Understanding your nervous system as a compass for safety, connection, and regulation.
  Explore: Deb Dana’s accessible writings on Polyvagal practice.

• Somatic Practices
  Your body remembers. Dance, breathwork, yoga, and somatic tracking are all powerful allies in integration.