Thank you for this, Lil. There is so much truth here.
In my experience, the gifted community is rife with narcissists and deeply wounded people, often in the same person. The combination of unprocessed trauma, intense intelligence, and a lack of inner work can be incredibly destructive, especially when it’s masked by charm, spiritual language, or intellectual brilliance.
The entanglements you describe are so familiar: the love-bombing disguised as resonance, the subtle erosion of trust in oneself, the idealization and devaluation cycle that leaves you questioning your very reality. I’ve been there, and I know how long the damage can linger, even after the relationship ends.
It’s devastating when your longing to be seen is met with manipulation instead of mutuality. But reclaiming our discernment and voice is possible, and it’s powerful. I appreciate the way you’ve named these dynamics while honoring the healing path, too.
Deeply appreciate your comment, Chris. The combination you describe is incredibly destructive and, sadly, yes, rife in the gifted community. I'm sorry to hear that you, too, have experienced the damage of narcissism. So true, it does make you question your own reality. Manipulation instead of mutuality, unfortunately yes. Manipulation can be so subtle and it's been a healing path to become far more discerning, that's for sure. Thank you for reading and being there.
Thank you for reading and commenting. Sorry to hear you’ve been prey at times for narcissists. I wonder if they’re more prevalent than we think, wherever they are on the spectrum. I imagine them like vampires but unfortunately they’re not so distinguishable.
Oh it’s alright. I assume that those with narcissistic qualities and quite prevalent but maybe true narcissists are rare. That’s a guess. I think people are so into narcissism now because there is a name for that person or people in everyone’s life who tormented them. People like to name their issues.
Very insightful read. Thank you for sharing such important perspectives here. I see this come up a lot in my work where highly sensitive and gifted people often blame themselves for getting entangled with narcissistic people rather than understanding how their very gifts made them targets in the first place.
One thing I always tell people is to pay attention to how you feel after conversations with them - if you're constantly confused or questioning your own reality, that's your nervous system trying to warn you something in the picture is off.
Your point about becoming undiminishable rather than invulnerable - that's such a beautiful way to frame healing. The way I understand it is that it's about staying open while still protecting your core sense of self
Thank you for reading, commenting and subscribing Nick. Wonderful to hear from you. Welcome. That's so useful, to pay attention to how you feel after conversations with people, whether it's confusion, questioning your own reality and/or feeling tired, even exhausted. Listening to your nervous system – tuning into it – more and more has massive benefits. Our sensitivity becomes a positive resource. Yes, staying open while exercising a grounded form of discernment is where wisdom lies. Not easy but essential!
No one could understand what I saw in him. He wasn’t conventionally attractive…to be polite. It was because he could keep up and had a very sharp wit. He would obliterate my entire existence, but don’t worry. He doesn’t feel remorse. He’s happy.
Thank you, Lily, for this insightful article! I've been thinking a lot about narcissists this year as many of my gifted clients are contending with the issues you've described here.
I've often wondered if the strengths gifted people possess are, in fact, what attracts narcissistic individuals to them in the first place. You've nicely answered that question and outlined many of the reasons why that's the case, which I really appreciate. I'll be thinking about this piece for a good while to come.
Thank you, and looking forward to reading more of your work!
Thank you for reading and commenting Emmaly. Sorry to hear that your gifted clients are contending with these same issues. So glad that the essay gives you food for thought.
Thank you for this, Lil. There is so much truth here.
In my experience, the gifted community is rife with narcissists and deeply wounded people, often in the same person. The combination of unprocessed trauma, intense intelligence, and a lack of inner work can be incredibly destructive, especially when it’s masked by charm, spiritual language, or intellectual brilliance.
The entanglements you describe are so familiar: the love-bombing disguised as resonance, the subtle erosion of trust in oneself, the idealization and devaluation cycle that leaves you questioning your very reality. I’ve been there, and I know how long the damage can linger, even after the relationship ends.
It’s devastating when your longing to be seen is met with manipulation instead of mutuality. But reclaiming our discernment and voice is possible, and it’s powerful. I appreciate the way you’ve named these dynamics while honoring the healing path, too.
Deeply appreciate your comment, Chris. The combination you describe is incredibly destructive and, sadly, yes, rife in the gifted community. I'm sorry to hear that you, too, have experienced the damage of narcissism. So true, it does make you question your own reality. Manipulation instead of mutuality, unfortunately yes. Manipulation can be so subtle and it's been a healing path to become far more discerning, that's for sure. Thank you for reading and being there.
This is a great analysis and makes lots of sense. I think I have been prey at times for narcissists.
Thank you for reading and commenting. Sorry to hear you’ve been prey at times for narcissists. I wonder if they’re more prevalent than we think, wherever they are on the spectrum. I imagine them like vampires but unfortunately they’re not so distinguishable.
Oh it’s alright. I assume that those with narcissistic qualities and quite prevalent but maybe true narcissists are rare. That’s a guess. I think people are so into narcissism now because there is a name for that person or people in everyone’s life who tormented them. People like to name their issues.
Very insightful read. Thank you for sharing such important perspectives here. I see this come up a lot in my work where highly sensitive and gifted people often blame themselves for getting entangled with narcissistic people rather than understanding how their very gifts made them targets in the first place.
One thing I always tell people is to pay attention to how you feel after conversations with them - if you're constantly confused or questioning your own reality, that's your nervous system trying to warn you something in the picture is off.
Your point about becoming undiminishable rather than invulnerable - that's such a beautiful way to frame healing. The way I understand it is that it's about staying open while still protecting your core sense of self
Thank you for reading, commenting and subscribing Nick. Wonderful to hear from you. Welcome. That's so useful, to pay attention to how you feel after conversations with people, whether it's confusion, questioning your own reality and/or feeling tired, even exhausted. Listening to your nervous system – tuning into it – more and more has massive benefits. Our sensitivity becomes a positive resource. Yes, staying open while exercising a grounded form of discernment is where wisdom lies. Not easy but essential!
No one could understand what I saw in him. He wasn’t conventionally attractive…to be polite. It was because he could keep up and had a very sharp wit. He would obliterate my entire existence, but don’t worry. He doesn’t feel remorse. He’s happy.
Thank you for reading and commenting Claire. I hope you are well clear of him now and rebuilding your existence.
I don’t even speak his name anymore. He’s no one. He never was. 😉💜
The section on “How to navigate…” was particularly useful, love the practical application side.
Thank you, Lily, for this insightful article! I've been thinking a lot about narcissists this year as many of my gifted clients are contending with the issues you've described here.
I've often wondered if the strengths gifted people possess are, in fact, what attracts narcissistic individuals to them in the first place. You've nicely answered that question and outlined many of the reasons why that's the case, which I really appreciate. I'll be thinking about this piece for a good while to come.
Thank you, and looking forward to reading more of your work!
Thank you for reading and commenting Emmaly. Sorry to hear that your gifted clients are contending with these same issues. So glad that the essay gives you food for thought.