The Trouble With “Gifted”

What to do about a word that doesn’t quite fit. Ironic, don’t you think?

Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

“Gifted” is a word that should feel affirming and yet it doesn’t sit quite right.

It scratches at the soul in unexpected ways. It feels too big, too small, too exclusive, too misunderstood, too loaded.

So what language can we use that more accurately captures the multifaceted experience of being wired differently?

✦ The Weight of a Word

The word “gifted” arrives in our cultural vocabulary already draped in a velvet cloak of assumption. It sounds flattering, aspirational, superior. Who wouldn’t want to be gifted? Who wouldn’t want to be told they have something extraordinary?

But therein lies the problem. “Gifted” doesn’t describe how we think or what we feel. It describes how we’re perceived and that perception is often fragmented, falling short of describing the overlapping threads, the interwoven realities, and the multidimensionality of our experience. It doesn’t hold the whole energetic field – a spacious, relational, permeable, architecture of awareness. Instead, it’s a label assigned externally, often in childhood, based on observable performance: fast learning, advanced vocabulary, precociousness.

For many gifted adults, the inner experience of giftedness isn’t glamorous. Beyond straight A’s or achievements, it’s about intensity, existential restlessness, emotional depth, divergent logic, and a yearning for connection that often goes unmet.

Being “gifted” rarely feels like a gift. It feels like being out of sync.

For those who never received the label but live the experience - those who were overlooked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed - the word gifted can feel invalidating. In some circles, there’s even an element of gatekeeping about it, which conjures a fence with barbed wire…

✦ A Cultural Mismatch

Another tension in the term comes from its dissonance with our cultural values. In societies that prize uniformity, pragmatism, and productivity, giftedness doesn’t always show up as an asset. It might appear as quirkiness, overthinking, rebellion, or an inability to “just do things the normal way.”

When gifted adults hide their complexity to fit in, they burn out. When they express it, they’re often met with confusion, envy, or accusations of arrogance. They find themselves caught between a rock and a hard place. Add to this difficult situation the drive for authenticity, connection, and mastery, and we’ve a fine recipe for disaster = despair, depression, disintegration.

Growing up in a culture burdened by the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” here in Australia, it was important not to brag, not to be seen as having a “big head” or being “too big for your boots”. School was rife with bullying and anyone who stood out academically had a target on their back. Displaying talent was equally fraught and if you happened to be tall, talented and terrific you didn’t think you’d won the Great Trifecta of Life. Quite the opposite.

✦ The Search for Better Language

So where does that leave us?

Language matters. It shapes our sense of identity. It opens or closes doors to community and self-understanding. If gifted doesn’t feel right, or no longer feels sufficient, what else might we say?

Here are a few alternatives currently circling the conversation:

• Neurodivergent – Inclusive and expansive, this term situates giftedness within the broader umbrella of cognitive variation. It’s useful, but can feel too clinical or general for some.

• Neurocomplex – A newer, richer framing that acknowledges complexity, nuance, and layered processing without implying superiority.

• Neurospicy / Neurosparkly – Playful and affirming, these community-coined terms bring lightness and creativity to what can otherwise feel heavy or pathologised.

• Rainforest Mind (coined by Paula Prober) – A beautiful metaphor for the rich, dense, fast-growing ecosystem of the gifted inner world. It emphasises diversity, sensitivity, and interconnection.

• Galvanic (Dr Patty L Gently) – A poetic nod to energy, aliveness, and transformation, emphasising the catalytic nature of gifted perception.

• Neuroconvergent – A counterpoint to neurodivergent, pointing to those whose intense cognitive activity converges across domains: intellect, emotion, sensation, and imagination.

• Neuroqueer - A meaningful and resonant label for some gifted people, particularly those whose identities challenge normative boundaries in thinking, feeling, and being.

For those still unsure, sometimes “neuro” is enough. A shorthand that says: “I’m in the conversation, but I’m still finding my way.”

I kinda like “neuronerdy”. I made it up then. Borrow it if it works for you:)

Side Note: For some, the experience of being gifted, sensitive, and complex is more energetic than verbal. I alluded to this earlier. You may not be able to name what you are, but you know it. You feel it in how you absorb rooms, how you reverberate with beauty or injustice, how you remember lifetimes in a single glance.

The world may demand that you narrow, name, and define, but your nature is expansive.

✦ Navigating the In-Between

Perhaps what we need most is permission to hold language lightly. To let giftedness be a portal, not a pedestal. A doorway into deeper inquiry rather than a rigid definition of identity.

We might ask:

• What is the nature of my mind, and how does it interact with the world?

• Where or when do I feel most alive, most seen, most real?

• Who else feels like me, and how can we name ourselves in ways that are inclusive.

There’s no perfect word, but there are better stories. Stories that centre inner experience over labels, nuance over performance, authenticity over approval.

✦ A Quiet Reclamation

You may still choose to use the word gifted. You may wear it with pride, or with ambivalence, or only in safe company. That’s okay.

Or you may find solace in metaphor. You may say you have a rainforest mind, that you’re neurocomplex, or eccentric, electric, catalytically alive.

You may describe yourself as “wired weird,” “soft-wild,” “galvanic,” or simply “brilliant in a way that doesn’t always show.”

What matters most is not the word, but the truth it points to, that:

Your sensitivity isn’t a flaw.

Your complexity isn’t a burden.

Your way of being is worthy of understanding, even if it has no neat name.

In a world obsessed with measurement, the deepest parts of us often go unnamed.

Perhaps this gives us a goodly amount of freedom to revel in our wild minds. What do you think? Have you a preferred label or do you prefer no label at all?

Thank you for reading and commenting. As always, I love hearing from you. Please feel free to share this post with anyone you think will benefit.

✦ Recommended Resources

To Navigate, Reframe, and Embrace Your Complex Inner World

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Books & Essays

• Your Rainforest Mind by Paula Prober
  A soulful, psychologically grounded guide to the emotional life of gifted adults. Introduces the metaphor of the “rainforest mind” as a vibrant, sensitive, layered inner ecosystem.

• The Power of Different by Gail Saltz
  A powerful reframing of neurodivergence and exceptional minds through the lens of neuroscience, resilience, and contribution.

• Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential by Marylou Kelly Streznewski
  One of the earliest explorations of what it means to be a gifted adult and how that often goes unacknowledged.

• The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen
  A foundational and comprehensive guide to the inner experience of giftedness, though written in a more traditional psychological tone.

• Differently Wired by Debbie Reber
  While written primarily for parents of neurodivergent kids, this book compassionately unpacks the need to break out of narrow cultural norms, useful for reframing one’s own story.

• Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher
  For those who identify as multipotentialites, scanners, or polymaths, this book normalises having many interests and not fitting into a conventional path.

• The Five Levels of Giftedness by Deborah Ruf

  https://fivelevelsofgifted.com

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Self-Inquiry & Community Tools

• The Giftedness Identification Checklist for Adults (by InterGifted or Dr. Karpinski)
  Useful for those who suspect they are gifted but were never formally identified. Gentle validation tool.

• Neurodiversity-Affirming Language Resources (Neurodivergent Insights, Neuroclastic.org)
  Helpful for understanding the evolving language of difference and includes respectful alternatives to pathologising terms.

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Creative, Community-Based Alternatives

• The Dandelion Principle (used in trauma healing and social innovation):
  Suggests that sensitivity and unconventionality are assets in regenerative cultures. A beautiful way to reframe gifted traits as ecological and systemic gifts.

• https://www.autisminwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/MIT-Sloan-Article.pdf

• InterGifted (founded by Jennifer Harvey Sallin)
  Offers coaching, community, and resources specifically for gifted adults, including those seeking nuanced support around identity and expression.